读了国宏的随笔， 也心血来潮， 跃跃欲试。
华文，就如他所说，能点中要害。

怎么想起华文华语，就勾起缕缕思念
那么熟悉，却又陌生的陈老师
课堂上的热闹、调皮。
光明正大的听写课抄袭
同学课本下隐藏的英文书籍
这一切，都已过，却仍如新。

胸膛的隐隐作痛，只是回忆在作祟。

an increasing feel tt i need to get out of my life
but that's not possible, isit.
i think, im too detached from my Life Source.
that's why.
i cant just go about doing things, being busy like martha
i cant, my mind cant take it.
my heart, my soul cannot take it.
im seeking refuge in all things alien.
maybe, its time to go home.

stabs at this chimera of reality
nostalgia for blissful (oblivious) routine
that carried away on its shoulders my happy past

i want to reach out beyond the smokescreen
to clutch at something real, stable
anything but this state im in
where im drowning in a dream

i need a break, new adrenaline from different scenes
away from those my eyes were trained to accept
in need of a blue sky holiday

yay!
im back! we're all back! :D
ahhaha.
had 3 glorious days of fun at church youth camp!
it was good Getting To Know You! ahha.
hmmmm. my cell group had CB as leader, Ziming, Suling, Zimin, Peng Swee and Johnson.
glad to have coem to know the newcomers better!
esp peng swee, johnson, jiang ling(he's very open so no prob), and little weili. =)
hahaha.
they're great fun! very zai pple at sports.
oh, and i really loved our games, helped our group bond with each other. =D
and also the games on the last night, hahaha.
how all the guys ended up giving me lots of cards for Beans :D:D:D
how nice of them haha. thanks pple! :P

the sermons were gd too!
about being support for your frens, your bros and sis, and pple you work with.
its very impt, our attitude towards them will determine the relationship whether itd be smooth for both parties. yea.

sadness. i fell down at the bastketball court when we had the piggyback race.
scraped both my knees...
and its so annoying cos when i bend and straighten, it stretches and squeezes my scabs.
so the wound keeps breakin open.
and there's like pus and all. grrrrrr.
and concert's in a week!
oh lord, i pray tt id be able to make it to de concert.
i have to stomp my feet for Gai Bintang! :X
have faith in the Lord! :]

okie doks.
TERENCE!!!!! I NEED MY SHOES OK! BY FRIDAY!
and... thankew. :D:D:D

hmmmm.
i was just ranting that i feel tt i should be on choir hiatus the other day.
and here i am retracting my word
cos the feeling today was present.
not all, not perfect, not for very long, but it was a start.
i hope.
i sincerely hope we all have that drive in us, that we will do well, we will make it.
heh.

ANIWAE.
XINHUI"S COMING BACK!!!!!
shuuy, hoonie are you guys goin to pick her at the airport?
:X
i cant make it as i have church camp
lasting till monday.
:S rah.
so pls tell me if you're going k! =)
and shuuy, your cd, how?

yea ok. shall go start packing, ive to be there at 6.45pm.
hurhur.*waves*

i am very amused by this particular response regarding the big hoohaa over the viet guy.
do take a look.

Nov 24, 2005
IMPENDING HANGING OF HEROIN TRAFFICKER
Australians are fully behind Singapore Govt

THE Australian people fully support the Singapore Government's decision to execute heroin smuggler Nguyen Tuong Van.

Australians are mystified and embarrassed as to why our government is willing to turn a criminal into a celebrity.

# The Australian government conveniently forgets to mention the fact that it ignores the rights of hundreds of young Australians who die on our streets each year due to heroin overdose.

# The government conveniently forgets to mention the fact that our hospitals are stretched to breaking point trying to cope with patients with drug-related illnesses, often at the expense of others.

# The government conveniently forgets to mention the fact that our elderly get robbed and bashed on the streets and in their homes by drug addicts trying to service their habits.

# The government conveniently forgets to mention the fact that a large percentage of the 500,000 people on unemployment benefits in Australia are unable to work due to drug-related conditions, such as mental illness, personality disorder, being homeless and infection with HIV.

# The government conveniently forgets to mention the enormous social cost the Australian community is paying.

# The government conveniently forgets to mention the fact that every Australian parent's greatest nightmare is their children falling victim to a drug dealer and becoming addicted.

Thank you, Singapore.

Marcus Singor
Western Australia, Australia



Hmmmmmmm.

negativity's a poison running in my veins
youve injected overdose into me these 10 years
with razor sharp critique and blatant disapproval
something's changed, between us
for a long time coming, now.
that the only conversation we hold at length in consistency is that of silence
time erodes feelings, and amorous vibes
or perhaps, they've just been buried
expired, neglected present that no one bothered to open up
and thus still it sits, cobwebs covered
would you want my off gold box of feelings, once shiny silver?
because my dear,
quarrels arise out of our want to be loved
and how photography worsens amnesia
all the more poignant, what you cant capture that stays etched in memory
so, carve me in sand and stone
that i may disintegrate someday, or none at all
and scatter my spirit into the wind, that i may finally be free to go wherever i want.

maybe someday these lines that have crossed so often,
will run parallel side by side, as one
maybe someday we'll be happy together
just sitting side by side without the need to talk
maybe someday people will be able to love me for who i am
and i them
maybe someday love and differences will be able to coexist
without any bloodshed
maybe someday i'll understand my life
why it was lived this way, why these people were placed in my life

maybe. then again, maybe.

CYX chapter's closed.
for now...
im back at home, and feeling surreal, again.

and last night.
i really want to thank Ken, Sua, Guowei, Benji, Linx for coming down!
and thanks Jan and Terence! for wanting to come :P
no really, thanks. =)
it was quite a blast! if not for smthg.

let me tell you bout that something, then.
the boss of the hotel, Ted Ngo, was like damn drunk at 11pm.
and he just rounded up all of us to go cocco latte for drinks on him.
well, lets jsut say the way he rounded up pple was...
not exactly correct.
i was quite taken aback you know, he just came and slung an arm arnd my shoulder
(thanks to linx i have a thick sweater arnd me then)
and then in the lift, i realised he was drunk
and everyone except ziheng and jarrod were girls
so i quickly msged Sua asked him to come down and accompany me
and told Eugene also

so thanks to Sua, the drunkard boss' attempts were foiled.
but the other girls... not so.
the Event Personnel Shirlene was wearing a bareback.
and he was well. feeling her.
i was quite disgusted... hurhur.
glad i kept my distance.
and then, he actually came over to talk, he was gripping my wrist so tightly it hurt.
so thanks Sua, for faking a bf stance that i was safe and sound.
but well, badly shaken.
and thanks Ken and Julian for talking to me till the wee hours of night later on.
heh. much appreciated.

so yea. quite an eye-opener.
and eugene had bottles of red wine in his room.
drank abit la, courtesy. but i didnt touch alcohol in cocco latte.
that one is cannot, hurhur. what bloody mary and all.
i dont trust it, what if its spiked?
so yea. took lime juice.
so really, Thank God for His guidance that im safe.
and thanks a million to Sua!

oh and my body clock's screwed. hurhur.
so yea. im still up at one smthg typing away. this is crazy la...

2 more days
it felt like eternity has gone by,
and eternity once more, to come.
im missing, yet also dreading choir
because of all various reasons ive cry enough upon.

so much to do, so little time.
but its gonna have been a fulfilling hols, i know.
=)
praise God for all his guidance so far!

im almost crying, again.
cos no one's ever been this nice to me
except maybe him who gave me chocs in a silver box
but then again.
how long have i known you?
one week?
and, when you saw me upset, crying
you actually bothered to give me stuff
im so so touched

eugene neednt have bothered,
its nothign concerning him aniwae
but,
he went to four seasons and ordered a box of durain puffs for me
just cos im sad
i, i really dont know what to say.
no one's ever been so nice to me before.
no one, that im. im both grateful and teary and amazed
that there are such nice people out there still.
so, here's to you dude, thanks ALOT.
i appreciate it.

and, johnny too.
i, i dont know how to thank him
all he's done
getting his mom to bake cakes for us
to buy brownies for us
so, so much he's done
and bringing his friend here to inspire
and i feel so much like hugging her, and him (but of cos cannot la)
but yea, im really really really.
at a loss for words
what these kind people do.
thank you too, ever so much, johnny.

alright, at this unearthy hour of 2 am im still hyper.
hahaha.
oh well, thanks val, for just talking.
its ok if we cry, but make sure we do smthg after crying.
hehehe. loved that from ps.

oh well.
im crazy staying up talking to ken.
lol but its fun la.
after all the crap ive been doing whole day
hurhur.
this has really been a learning experience.

but i still worry, and miss choir.
screwing up so much,
ive shed enough tears over its horrid state of indifference.
do smthg, now.

oh well.
eugene is slping 15 inches away from me on one of de beds in my room.
davina knock out liao, so did ziheng.
he wants me to wake him up when i slp
and since i just finished bathing
its gonna be 2 plus when i slp
so hurhur.
finalists lead a crazy life.
hurhur.
and well, i achieved smthg today so im happier.
hope things cont to look gd come tml.
thanks, bro and sis, for praying.
i love you guys, and im coming back soon.

hmmmm.
Elgin (the soundman with the film crew) just kinda made me sad
cos he talks bout God so flippantly
i wish i could say smthg
but im no better, i feel.
dunno la
but im giving him my Discovery Journay book just in case it comes in useful.
yupyup
dunno la. hurhur.
aniwae...

17th nov, evening
im inviting pple to view my work!!!!
lol
if you wanna come, can tell me or smthg.
i'll give you details and all.
hahaha. :P
which means ive gotta work hard
hehehe.

i need to leave here, even for a while
i want to be freeeeee.
so i might go for choir, or smthg
yea...
aniwae, i love jay chou's hei se mao yi
ahhhhh.... sighs. =)

ok.
i didnt make it in de end.
they chose 6 out of 16 pple to go into finals
yup and im not inside.
but tts ok, really.
cos im relieved i have lesser work to do
(poor eugene!! now our clique is 1 person short for much of the time)
ahhaa.
no la. congrats to eugene and rosie, roy and anwar, jarrod and chao.
hehe.
but then, i have more time to learn my choir songs... to do stupid GP lol.
yupyup
im gonna enjoy myself best as i can la. =D
thanks all who were praying for me, my health and all.
i miss you pple!!! churchmates, choir pals... yupyup.
i'll be back soon darlings. hahaha.
aniwae, im having lotsa fun with davina eugene and ziheng
funky crappy stuff we do at 3 am in the morning rushing work hahaha.
oh well.
gtg! ciao

hello!
im finally back to give some updates on my progress!
ok.
so far...
i have lasted quite well.
but then, politics is omniscient, and it sneaked up on us
should have seen its dark nagenta trail of blood
in the wake of its arrival

aniwae.
eugene, davina and ziheng are the ones im closest to, and also mond.
and people JUST HAVE to gossip, do they?
its freaking annoying, and these razor sharp comments and speculations
leave many wounded.
cant we just have peace?
why cant you learn to TOLERATE, and to ACCEPT
without all the bitching and backstabbing.
im so tired,
still so tired, after all.
maybe, maybe twentyone is a long way to come, after all.

hello pple!
just checking in for a quick update.
3 days into the boot camp, and im suffering fatigue and still clueless.
having choir withdrawal, i guess.
was just thinking thru again, like how all this had been a whirlwind hallucination
surreal despite feeling physical realness, weariness.

people here are generally hospitable?
yet, im, im still craving for more.
more interaction, more PROPER conversations that revolve arnd themselves.
instead of constantly directed at the work.
yet hard-pressed for time, im resigned.

and.
once again, the looming, ominous burden
of living up to expectations
being apparently elite of a premium school
in such an environment
please, shed double standards for once?
stigma with failing, disappointing; the fine prints of every bargain
and so we fight, underlying conflict, tensions
buoyed to the surface in open disagreement
question, whether its smthg hardwired
so intrinsic in the human genetics
i, i feel so sapped of my language,
my emotions, i cease to feel ironically, as i strive so hard to create, that ambience
for heightened awareness, perception to the inner soul

melancholy and ebony discouragement
filters through bright exuberant cellophane of excitement
dampening mental resilence
and-
ok well, ive got to go
back to designing, painting, all things inanimate.
i'll be on haitus, world
but mail me, drop me a line, if you bother enough id appreciate it
thanks, sua, ken, terence julian.
and linxin, joce, all my wonderful choir mates and church frens.

in case i dont have wireless at Gallery Hotel,
im saying this in advance.
goodbye all!
im packed off for 2 weeks at the above mentioned hotel cos of an art comp that they notified me last min.
i wasnt originally in, but then.
they needed a replacement for some overseas guy whose passport couldnt make it.
so here i am.
1 day before going in!
hehehe.

Praise God for wad happened!
lol.
dear bros and sis, i dunno if id see you guys for next 2 weeks,
so if you dont see me,
can pls pray tt i manage time well, and juggle with my other work!
ive got LOTS to do...
yea thanks!!!!
and see ya all. =)

Monday:
fac outing from 9-9pm.
my class made it alright and bearable.
for which im thankful.
heh.
im thinking i might like this class, after all.
we flew kites, we ate ice creams, we bowled.
yay.